Unit 3 Reflections

My physical well being i would rate to be at a 8 or 9, I am in the best shape of my life right now and will only aim to improve. My health is great and I have no major issues thankfully. I keep track of my diet and eat clean foods, avoiding any processed, sugary, or junk. Spiritually I rate myself at 6 or 7, I am still growing in my faith as a christian. However I am unyielding in my beliefs, no matter what. Yes I am the type of person who would still profess my faith in the face of death. If you don't like it then that is your problem. Psychologically i rate myself at 6 or 7. I am confident in who I am and in myself. I have typical stress factors and sadly enough one of the biggest ones is school. But after October I graduate and it will no longer be an issue !!! YAY! My goal for physical growth would be to continue my training fro the shows I compete in and improve the areas I want to. I also would like to start a family in a year or so and want to be as physically fit in body and health as possible. Spiritually I plan to walk the path God has chosen for me and pray to live a life that is pleasing to Christ. Psychological growth I hope to be able to focus more on the positives in life and not stress about things I can not control. Staying on top of my training, diet and medical are the areas I can uses to improve my physical health. Spiritually I can grow in my faith with my church, family and devotions to God. Psychological growth I plan on taking more time to quiet my mind and mediate on God's word. Also find different areas and ways to eliminate stress in my life.

Unit 3 exercise "Crime of the Century"

Okay first I have no idea why this meditation exercise was titled "Crime of the century" but that may be one of those mysteries. I wish I could say I was able to imagine the colors and myself as a prism. However I couldn't, I lost concentration after my stomach region. I just don't have that type of mental state to be able to think this way. I was very relaxed by the end of it, again was not able to concentrate on the colors. Idid however think about how blessed my life is and how loved, centered, balance, cherished and thankful to have God in my life. Maybe that is more what my issue is, I do not believe that the universe is in control. I believe and know that God is in control. So meditation holds a different meaning for me. I am in no way going to become centered with the universe. I will not put any god before my God. Sorry. Meditation for me is either relaxing and just shutting out the noise so I can focus on God and His word or when I do my daily devotions.

Introduction into my life

Where to begin is always the first thought when I am asked about my life's journey. So I start in the beginning. I am born and raised in Jupiter, Florida, I live close by to my parents and sisters and their families. My biggest shock to people is that I used to weigh 345 pounds when I was 21. Yes, I was heavy all of my life, no i didn't have heavy parents and neither of my sisters were heavy growing up. I was a typical chunky child which every one assumed I would grow into a more slender frame as I aged. I am the youngest of three girls, my eldest sister was petite frame and thin. She is 5'3" and weighs maybe 115 at most. My middle sister used to be a model, she was my idol as I grew up. I always wanted to be like her. She was 5'7", blonde hair blue eyes and weighed about 125-130. We all actually had blonde hair blue eyes in my family, yet they seemed to have all the beauty. I always associated myself with the story of the ugly duckling when I was a child. I was chubby, uncoordinated, frizzy curly hair I would keep brushing in hope's to smooth it out, and I had those big plastic glasses. I was a mess, even at a young age in private schools I was bullied and picked on ruthlessly. Developing a poor self esteem and eating disorders. I remember the first time I snuck cookies and chips from the kitchen into my room and locked the door so no one would catch me eating it. We were never allowed the junk food until the weekends and my mother always tried to teach us portion control. Yet I didn't care, I was called miss piggy, ugly, no one liked me, so who cared I enjoyed the junk food and it made me happy. I was about 11 the first time I snuck food into my room and binged. I would blame my dogs for eating it all or make up a lie about how much was really left. By the time I was in 8th grade I remember wanting to die rather then continue going to school because of how obese I was and how cruel the other kids were. My mother and father gave me every opportunity and help that was available to try and get my weight under control I did everything from hypnotherapy to weight watchers to attending fat camp for 3 months over the summer. Even at the fat camp I was targeted for bullying and had my first attempt at suicide. I did however lose 40 pounds and was able to wear a size 8 going into 9th grade. I became more athletic and maintained this size and weight most of high school. it wasn't until college that my life began to spiral out of control and my weight became morbidly obese. I became insecure and developed a poor sense of self worth. I dated abusive men and became involved in a very dangerous, abusive and controlling relationship. This is about the time I gained all of my weight, I was about 17-18 years old. My family became afraid for my life, my health, and my well being. My parents begged and pleaded for me to open up to them and let them help me but I was afraid for them and did not care about my own life. I subjected myself to daily abuse and control. I was not allowed out of the house belonging to the man I was involved with except to return home. ANything I ate was given to me by him, and mostly consisted of junk food. At home I would eat my sorrows and stress away. I flunked out of college after 2 years simply because I just stopped going to classes. Finally at the age of 21 and having gone from one abusive relationship right into another I had a wake up call. I just finished a physical and the doctor looked me dead in the eye and told me if I continue on the path I was taking I would more then likely be dead by the age of 31. My whole family tried over and over to help, but I had to decide to help myself first and I didn't want to. It wasn't until a few months later my middle sister was married and I looked at the pictures did I realize how obese I actually was. In my eyes I did not see myself as a 345 pound girl. I remember the day after her wedding and watching her drive away that I wanted to one day have a wedding with someone who loved me the way my brother-in-law loved her. SO that afternoon I went to my boyfriends house to try and tell him about what was going on in my head and in my life. Thinking he may care enough about me to want to support me in changing my life. Instead I receive abuse, threats, and a gun pointed at my head. I have a scar under my eye that is barely visible from that gun being slammed into my face. THat night when I went home, I had to make up a cover story of what happened to my eye. The next morning I walked into the bathroom an looked at myself and just cried. My whole life was a mess, but at that moment I decide I was worth more and I was worth achieving everything I could dream off. SO I set my mind to it and would not let anything stop me. It was around this time I met my closet friend who offered to train me and help me begin my journey to lose over 200 pounds. Eleven years later she and I compete and work together. I have become a fitness trainer and compete in the figure category of bodybuilding shows known as the NPC. I have been a model for magazines and runways shows. I have achieved things I never would have imagined possible. Most importantly I allowed God into my life and gave Him control to guide me along the path He has chosen for me. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is my rock and greatest supporter in everything I do. I look forward to continuing my journey to be able to help others overcome the impossibilities in life. One of my favorite quotes I saw somewhere is "with dedication and determination success will follow." For my life this statement could not be more true.

My journey on relaxation

Well for myself relaxation is few and far between. I am always thinking and moving. So for the first few minutes I had to get past the annoyance I felt having to stop and actually relax to experience this journey. To many other thoughts crossed my mind the first few minutes. Thoughts such as "really, I have to sit here for 15 minutes when I have so much homework I need to get done and barely enough time to do it" my next thought was " I need to be doing so many other important things". Finally I just gave in to the assignment about five minutes into the auto program. Once I laid down and thought about what was being asked I began to feel the tension and blood flow redirect to where I was thinking about. It almost seemed as though I could fall asleep while my arms felt like they were pinned down beside me. My arms felt heavy and weighted and relaxed, my heart was steady and strong. I did not experience the warmth however. It opened my mind to allowing my thoughts time to slow down and realize the affect I can actually have. That this is not actually a waste of time, but can be beneficial in times of stress. Relax, breathe, ask my body to do what I need it to. I am surprised that it was so easy for me to relax once I gave into the meditation. Once I asked the blood to redirect to my core center I imagined a wave like image flowing gracefully through out my veins and re-centered my blood flow back to wear it came from and dispensing throughout my body. It was a interesting and intriguing experience. Maybe this meditation and relaxing technique will be a beneficial interruption to my daily hectic routines.