Introduction:
I feel it is important for health and wellness professionals to
develop psychologically, spiritually and physically in order to relate with
their clientele on a more personal level. For myself I would like to develop on
the psychological and spiritual aspects of health and wellness. Through the
course I have realized that there are many areas of my life that I have yet to
address and allow to heal fully. In a way I have been putting band-aids on
wounds from my past. I feel that as I continue to grow in my spiritual faith I
will find healing in my psychological state as well.
Assessment:
I have done an integral assessment of my mind, body, and spirit along the lines
of out text due to my personal beliefs. I have however done alternative type of
assessments. Physically I score my self
on the higher end of the spectrum. I have overcome obesity and many food
and eating disorders. I however score myself a little lower on the psychology
side of that. I still suffer from self-esteem problems and find myself
struggling with my weight fluctuations all the time. When my weight goes up
after a competition when I look the best I ever have and then I gain 20 pounds
within a month due to the rebound of the contest diet. I struggle mentally
accepting my body when I have body fat. On stage I compete at 8% off stage in
between shows I am 13% and that is very hard to not see myself as obese and
ugly. These are certainly areas I need to face and heal from. Spiritually I am
strong in my beliefs and continue to grow as I attend church and fellowship
with other believer. My devotions are my time of “meditation” and through God I
will find my healing in the other areas of my life.
Goal Development: Physically
I want to find a better balance of diet and weight. I would like to live a
lifestyle where my diet is consistent and my weight is as well. I do not feel
that it is healthy for someone to yo-yo as much as I do when competing and my
body is starting to become unhealthy due to my diet as well. Physiologically I
would like to become more comfortable in my body in any state of health.
Meaning I want my self-esteem to value how much I am worth. I want to always
feel that I am worth being healthy, happy, and loved. Spiritually I hope to
grow more Christ like and live in a manor pleasing to God and to fulfill His
divine purpose in my life.
Practices
for personal health: Physically I intend on adjusting my diet to
meet my current exercise regiments. Exercise is one area I currently do on a
very regular basis. I train for 2 hours 5-6 days a week. I intend on changing
this around some and see how I do. I believe part of my inner struggle is I am
addicted in a way to cardio and feel that if I miss a day in the gym I will
gain weight. I need to change this way of thinking and in order to do this I
nee to incorporate a change in life. Another physical exercise I intend on
incorporating into my life is yoga. I began to take yoga in order to achieve a
better balance in my workouts. I tend to focus only on cardio and heavy
lifting. But physical health extends beyond just those exercises. So as I
change my diet to find a better balance I also will be changing my workout
routines.
Psychologically
I am still am uncertain how I intend on growing. I hope by making changes in my
diet and workouts I can learn to stop focusing on the constant battle to cardio
myself into the ground. I intend on seeking out a more healthy approach to
looking a foods and how they can balance and affect our body. I struggle
mentally with this concept so for me viewing fats and carbohydrates as a
necessary item is difficult. I am great to require my own client to incorporate
these foods into their diet yet I struggle to take my own advice. Also I am
going to incorporate 5-10 minutes every day to have quiet time alone with just
myself and the Word of God. Weather I go to the beach or stay home I want to
find time where I do not feel rush or pressured to achieve some sort of task in
order to meditate.
Spiritually
will be along the same lines as physiologically because for me they are one and
the same. AS I continue to grow in my walk with the Lord I continue to grow
mentally as well. Through Christ I am forgiven and my sorrows and worries are
taken away. Spiritually I can be healed mentally so to speak. AS I struggle
with my mental grasp on my weight and body I grow stronger in my faith that God
will provide answers and a path for me to follow. I guess in a way although I
struggle not to stress about my self-image I know in the back of my mind I will
balance out and things will be okay because I have given it over to God.
Commitment:
In six months from now my biggest way to assess my progress will be
to see how my health and weight are doing. In six months I hope that my
physical sickness that have developed due to lack of proper nutrients in a diet
will be settled and that I will be able to maintain a healthy weight that I am
comfortable at. I also will be able to assess my progress for my spiritual well
being by acknowledging where I was and where I will be. My short term goals are
also my long term goals. To physically be healthier and maintain a healthier
diet and exercise routine, psychologically I will have abetter grasp on my self
image at the weight I hope to maintain and have my binge eating and eating in
general under control. Spiritually I will always be growing in my faith no
matter what, when, or where.
I think you did a very honest thorough self assessment on yourself. Job well done! You have many great ideas on what you need to do to allow yourself to move forward on your road to integral health. I think at times you may be too hard on yourself. You have come a long way by beating obesity and being a very successful person. You need to give yourself credit where credit is due! Keep up the good work and best of luck in your future endeavors.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing! And Kelly is right..you are too hard on yourself. You are a great witness for Christ, an awesome example of health and also an incredibly honest person that can help many in sharing your experiences. Even your struggles that you share can help others relate and gravitate toward you for help. You have a great future. That 20 lbs rebound weight is a tough one and it sounds like your body wants that comfortable pad. If it was 5-10 lbs it wouldn't be as big of a challenge. I've been proud of my 22% body fat so I'm in shock with your percentages. Good for you! Your honesty and faith will get you through.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelly and Karen for your kind words. I try not to be to hard on myself. Sometimes it is hard, I always feel like I am in a constant battle that will be a life long one. But Karen you have nailed it on the head. My body is trying to find a comfortable weight, after 3 years of competing and losing and gaining I thin I have sent my body way to many confusing messages. I would certainly advise my clients against this type of pattern. SO it is time to take my own advice. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke! Great job on this post! I am glad this class has opened your eyes to the things you need to work on for yourself, and I hope that the tools you have picked up start you on the right track to some inner healing. We all have something we need to work on, and it can seem like a long road ahead. I think you are on the right track though and I wish you the best of luck!
ReplyDeleteBrooke, great job on your assessment. I think you did an honest job, I really enjoyed reading it. I hope you fulfill all that you desire from life all though I can see you are already a strong willed person. Something that is admirable. Good luck with the rest of your studies!
ReplyDeleteBrooke, Your project post is very inspirational! Many can understand the self-esteem issues that come along with obesity and those feelings do not just go away after becoming fit and healthy. With God all things are possible! Best to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with such honesty about your triumphs and struggles. I found your willingness to be so open and vulnerable amazingly endearing and lovely.
I relate to your struggles with self-esteem attached to weight, which I experienced throughout my young life. Our culture values beauty and gives women approval, love, attention - and even fame and fortune - when we are thin, and scorn, derision and disgust when we are fat. As social beings, it's hard not to buy into our culture's values and share in praising and loving ourselves when we are thin, and seeing ourselves as not worthy of love when fat.
One reason obsessing about our weight and fitness is so powerful is it allows us to focus intensely on one area of our life and feel like we have control of it. When we focus everything on controlling what we eat, and exercising to perfection, our world becomes very simple. If we become thin/toned/shredded, etc. then we tell ourselves are a success; if we become fat or out of shape, we tell ourselves we are a failure. But while my alternating eating disorders and exercise addiction were a kind survival strategy during my childhood, since it took my attention away from the violence and chaos I experienced in my home life, at some point, I realized it was a distraction from a deep underlying pain. It keeps the attention limited to the body, which limits our ability to flourish psychologically or spiritually, and I gradually found myself able to let it go, and heal the pain underneath it all.
One truly beautiful gift I've received as I headed through my thirties and into my early forties has been a gradual letting go of attaching my ability to love myself to my weight. I used to work out obsessively but if my weight ever crept up a few pounds (I once refused to leave the house because I was so "hideously fat" at 125lb) I felt repulsive. Even thin, I could never really love or accept myself and never even knew how thin I was (even at 100lb, I still thought I needed to lose weight).
Thankfully, whether I am at a perfect healthy weight and fitness level or not (as now, since I put all my time into my studies, and slacked off of working out), all the pain, anxiety, and former self loathing have gone. I recognize I need to take action and will do, to lose the twenty or thirty pounds I need to lose. But I don't feel distress about it. I'm certain I will be back to a high level of fitness by the close of the year. But I love myself now, and don't feel any less worthy of love now that I will feel once I'm back in shape again.
I would like to share that gift with you. In you, I see a lovely young woman (and by the way, I think you looked gorgeous in your "chubby" picture with the off the shoulder top) who hasn't yet quite accepted she is a beautiful soul whether fat or thin. I honestly think you will experience an unprecedented level of joy if you love and accept you, fat or thin, as the same beautiful soul, equally deserving of love, equally special, equally precious. I don't mean you should work out less, or let go of taking care of yourself. Your personal and life transformation is extraordinary, and when we take care of our body in a spirit of lovingkindness, we are nourishing our mind and spirit as much as our body. But choose to take care of yourself and stay fit because you love yourself, not because you hate your fat self. Because honestly loving and accepting yourself fat or thin is only extending the same lovingkindness to yourself I’ll bet you already show to others.
I wish much happiness for you, always. :-)
Deb