Love and kindness exercise continued

Okay well I tried it again and still just not a good thing for me. I did however realize what was bothering me so much. I again have been talking to my one sister who is one of the most Godly women aside from my mother I am honored to know. She helped me pin point what it was upsetting me about this audi specifically. It isn't the breathing out love and kindness or eve the meditative state we are asked to be in. It was the feeling of taking on all the worlds stress, burdons, and sin. Asking us to breathe in the hurt, pain, anger, suffering, and so many negative emotions that bothered me. I believe in a God who gave the ultimate sacrifice, His only SOn Christ, to die for all of our sins and suffering, to give us hope, peace and love. i do not want to take in this burden into myself. I should not have to GOd has already provided a way and path for me. All I need to do is meditate on breathing out that love and spreading the word of GOd by my actions and speech. So I realized it was not the audio necessarily that was angering me, it was that I do not want to take in any of those negative things because God's word tell us to give it all to Him and that Christ sacrificed his life to cleanse us of all of those feeling and actions. I would rather meditate on the promise of that and handing over those stressors then try to breathe them in and out. I just need to see it differently and open myself up to what I could learn about this type of exercise. Thanks for reading my rant. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety on Him..." . So this is what I took from this exercise in the end. I meditated and cast all of my fears, troubles, anxieties, anger, and any negative emotions and feelings and put them in God's hands so I can breathe peace and love and God's will.

Unit 4 mental workouts

You know I have spent the last few days talking with my sister about this course and the difficulties I am having with it. I am very stuck in my ways and in my beliefs. But I was not always this way. I studied many different religions from Buddhism, taoism, harrikrishna, wiccan practices, and so on. I was raised in a Godly home too, which was surprising to many when I began my own journey on what I believed. SO after many years on what I now know as the wrong path I found what I was missing. My personal relationship with Christ. How does this pertain to mental exercise? Well for the most part from what I understand mental exercise is how we train and program our thoughts and mind. I had to teach myself how to pray and study GOD's word. I didn't just miraculously change over night. I have been fighting this meditation and grounding stuff in this course when I should be looking at it in a more loving and open way. I already meditate on God's word, I already breathe out love when I speak in a fashion honoring to Him, I already am grounded to this earth because of my undying devotion to God. I just had not mag=de the connection to how it is relative to this course till now. I have to train my mind to recognize the similarities,and how to slow down and meditate in His word. I still do not like the audio, but I can still simulate what is being asked of us through the audio into what I know God would want me to be focusing and meditating on. Just because it do not feel like I am the holistic type of person does not mean I can not be open to try new ways to allow God to speak to me. I listen to GOD not the earth. This is just my eye opener for the day and how mental exercise can be incorporated in any area of life and practice and made to fit any belief system. Psalm 49:3 "....And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding." SO my mental exercise is to learn and train my mind how to meditate in GOd's word, open up my mind to learn different techniques that can hopefully help my stressors, and thought process. THank for reading! :)

Love and kindness

Okay classmates I apologize in advanced for this blog because it is in no way positive. THis assignment not only frustrated me but actually made me angry. I can say it in no way helped me develop a sense of love or kindness. I started out visualizing my husband whom I adore. But then I remember the struggles we endure and remember that it was my prayers and devotions and faith that healed us. I honestly am having a hard time with this class in general. Then expanding to those who are hurting and enemies and so on. Meditating like this does not make me feel centered or focused on breathing out sickness, animosity or anything. My prayer and devotion does. I will never tell someone not to try new things so for clients I will suggest they try meditation or different forms of meditation whether it is through this type of exercise or prayer or walking along the beach. However these adios are not helping me relax at all they only are adding more stress. Again I apologize to those who read this, but this is how I feel towards the exercise. To each there own, but this is not for me.

Unit 3 Reflections

My physical well being i would rate to be at a 8 or 9, I am in the best shape of my life right now and will only aim to improve. My health is great and I have no major issues thankfully. I keep track of my diet and eat clean foods, avoiding any processed, sugary, or junk. Spiritually I rate myself at 6 or 7, I am still growing in my faith as a christian. However I am unyielding in my beliefs, no matter what. Yes I am the type of person who would still profess my faith in the face of death. If you don't like it then that is your problem. Psychologically i rate myself at 6 or 7. I am confident in who I am and in myself. I have typical stress factors and sadly enough one of the biggest ones is school. But after October I graduate and it will no longer be an issue !!! YAY! My goal for physical growth would be to continue my training fro the shows I compete in and improve the areas I want to. I also would like to start a family in a year or so and want to be as physically fit in body and health as possible. Spiritually I plan to walk the path God has chosen for me and pray to live a life that is pleasing to Christ. Psychological growth I hope to be able to focus more on the positives in life and not stress about things I can not control. Staying on top of my training, diet and medical are the areas I can uses to improve my physical health. Spiritually I can grow in my faith with my church, family and devotions to God. Psychological growth I plan on taking more time to quiet my mind and mediate on God's word. Also find different areas and ways to eliminate stress in my life.

Unit 3 exercise "Crime of the Century"

Okay first I have no idea why this meditation exercise was titled "Crime of the century" but that may be one of those mysteries. I wish I could say I was able to imagine the colors and myself as a prism. However I couldn't, I lost concentration after my stomach region. I just don't have that type of mental state to be able to think this way. I was very relaxed by the end of it, again was not able to concentrate on the colors. Idid however think about how blessed my life is and how loved, centered, balance, cherished and thankful to have God in my life. Maybe that is more what my issue is, I do not believe that the universe is in control. I believe and know that God is in control. So meditation holds a different meaning for me. I am in no way going to become centered with the universe. I will not put any god before my God. Sorry. Meditation for me is either relaxing and just shutting out the noise so I can focus on God and His word or when I do my daily devotions.

Introduction into my life

Where to begin is always the first thought when I am asked about my life's journey. So I start in the beginning. I am born and raised in Jupiter, Florida, I live close by to my parents and sisters and their families. My biggest shock to people is that I used to weigh 345 pounds when I was 21. Yes, I was heavy all of my life, no i didn't have heavy parents and neither of my sisters were heavy growing up. I was a typical chunky child which every one assumed I would grow into a more slender frame as I aged. I am the youngest of three girls, my eldest sister was petite frame and thin. She is 5'3" and weighs maybe 115 at most. My middle sister used to be a model, she was my idol as I grew up. I always wanted to be like her. She was 5'7", blonde hair blue eyes and weighed about 125-130. We all actually had blonde hair blue eyes in my family, yet they seemed to have all the beauty. I always associated myself with the story of the ugly duckling when I was a child. I was chubby, uncoordinated, frizzy curly hair I would keep brushing in hope's to smooth it out, and I had those big plastic glasses. I was a mess, even at a young age in private schools I was bullied and picked on ruthlessly. Developing a poor self esteem and eating disorders. I remember the first time I snuck cookies and chips from the kitchen into my room and locked the door so no one would catch me eating it. We were never allowed the junk food until the weekends and my mother always tried to teach us portion control. Yet I didn't care, I was called miss piggy, ugly, no one liked me, so who cared I enjoyed the junk food and it made me happy. I was about 11 the first time I snuck food into my room and binged. I would blame my dogs for eating it all or make up a lie about how much was really left. By the time I was in 8th grade I remember wanting to die rather then continue going to school because of how obese I was and how cruel the other kids were. My mother and father gave me every opportunity and help that was available to try and get my weight under control I did everything from hypnotherapy to weight watchers to attending fat camp for 3 months over the summer. Even at the fat camp I was targeted for bullying and had my first attempt at suicide. I did however lose 40 pounds and was able to wear a size 8 going into 9th grade. I became more athletic and maintained this size and weight most of high school. it wasn't until college that my life began to spiral out of control and my weight became morbidly obese. I became insecure and developed a poor sense of self worth. I dated abusive men and became involved in a very dangerous, abusive and controlling relationship. This is about the time I gained all of my weight, I was about 17-18 years old. My family became afraid for my life, my health, and my well being. My parents begged and pleaded for me to open up to them and let them help me but I was afraid for them and did not care about my own life. I subjected myself to daily abuse and control. I was not allowed out of the house belonging to the man I was involved with except to return home. ANything I ate was given to me by him, and mostly consisted of junk food. At home I would eat my sorrows and stress away. I flunked out of college after 2 years simply because I just stopped going to classes. Finally at the age of 21 and having gone from one abusive relationship right into another I had a wake up call. I just finished a physical and the doctor looked me dead in the eye and told me if I continue on the path I was taking I would more then likely be dead by the age of 31. My whole family tried over and over to help, but I had to decide to help myself first and I didn't want to. It wasn't until a few months later my middle sister was married and I looked at the pictures did I realize how obese I actually was. In my eyes I did not see myself as a 345 pound girl. I remember the day after her wedding and watching her drive away that I wanted to one day have a wedding with someone who loved me the way my brother-in-law loved her. SO that afternoon I went to my boyfriends house to try and tell him about what was going on in my head and in my life. Thinking he may care enough about me to want to support me in changing my life. Instead I receive abuse, threats, and a gun pointed at my head. I have a scar under my eye that is barely visible from that gun being slammed into my face. THat night when I went home, I had to make up a cover story of what happened to my eye. The next morning I walked into the bathroom an looked at myself and just cried. My whole life was a mess, but at that moment I decide I was worth more and I was worth achieving everything I could dream off. SO I set my mind to it and would not let anything stop me. It was around this time I met my closet friend who offered to train me and help me begin my journey to lose over 200 pounds. Eleven years later she and I compete and work together. I have become a fitness trainer and compete in the figure category of bodybuilding shows known as the NPC. I have been a model for magazines and runways shows. I have achieved things I never would have imagined possible. Most importantly I allowed God into my life and gave Him control to guide me along the path He has chosen for me. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is my rock and greatest supporter in everything I do. I look forward to continuing my journey to be able to help others overcome the impossibilities in life. One of my favorite quotes I saw somewhere is "with dedication and determination success will follow." For my life this statement could not be more true.

My journey on relaxation

Well for myself relaxation is few and far between. I am always thinking and moving. So for the first few minutes I had to get past the annoyance I felt having to stop and actually relax to experience this journey. To many other thoughts crossed my mind the first few minutes. Thoughts such as "really, I have to sit here for 15 minutes when I have so much homework I need to get done and barely enough time to do it" my next thought was " I need to be doing so many other important things". Finally I just gave in to the assignment about five minutes into the auto program. Once I laid down and thought about what was being asked I began to feel the tension and blood flow redirect to where I was thinking about. It almost seemed as though I could fall asleep while my arms felt like they were pinned down beside me. My arms felt heavy and weighted and relaxed, my heart was steady and strong. I did not experience the warmth however. It opened my mind to allowing my thoughts time to slow down and realize the affect I can actually have. That this is not actually a waste of time, but can be beneficial in times of stress. Relax, breathe, ask my body to do what I need it to. I am surprised that it was so easy for me to relax once I gave into the meditation. Once I asked the blood to redirect to my core center I imagined a wave like image flowing gracefully through out my veins and re-centered my blood flow back to wear it came from and dispensing throughout my body. It was a interesting and intriguing experience. Maybe this meditation and relaxing technique will be a beneficial interruption to my daily hectic routines.