Unit 10 Final blog! YAY!

In unit 3 I rated myself to be between 8&9 physically, I was just coming out of a show and was in pristine shape. In the last 7 weeks since I have put on some more weight which I am not comfortable with however I developed a stomach ulcer and have had extreme GI problems so my diet has certainly been off track. I am confident I will be back to my comfortable weight now that I can take care of this stomach problem and rid myself of some stress. My spiritual rating was 6 or 7, this class has actually helped me find more strength and connection and growth in my faith. I admit this class has tested me in so many ways I would not have thought about, lol. SO now I give myself a 8 or 9 in my spiritual aspect. Mentally and psychologically I had rated myself around 6 or 7, although I am confident in who I am I still see many areas I need to grow in through my life. I need to become more accepting of my body no matter what weight or size I am. My confidence in other areas are great, yet my self esteem plummets anytime I gain a few pounds and I become depressed and sad. It is very annoying actually so I intend to continue to address the issue. I still work toward building improving my physical goals, which now are to just be healthy and feel well. I am following God's path to the best of my ability and continue to grow in my faith and take more time in a day for my quiet time. Once school is over I will have ride myself of one of the major stressors in my life so I am still working towards that goal. I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my blogs and appreciate all the feed back. Best of luck to everyone!

Unit 9 project

Introduction: I feel it is important for health and wellness professionals to develop psychologically, spiritually and physically in order to relate with their clientele on a more personal level. For myself I would like to develop on the psychological and spiritual aspects of health and wellness. Through the course I have realized that there are many areas of my life that I have yet to address and allow to heal fully. In a way I have been putting band-aids on wounds from my past. I feel that as I continue to grow in my spiritual faith I will find healing in my psychological state as well.

Assessment: I have done an integral assessment of my mind, body, and spirit along the lines of out text due to my personal beliefs. I have however done alternative type of assessments. Physically I score my self  on the higher end of the spectrum. I have overcome obesity and many food and eating disorders. I however score myself a little lower on the psychology side of that. I still suffer from self-esteem problems and find myself struggling with my weight fluctuations all the time. When my weight goes up after a competition when I look the best I ever have and then I gain 20 pounds within a month due to the rebound of the contest diet. I struggle mentally accepting my body when I have body fat. On stage I compete at 8% off stage in between shows I am 13% and that is very hard to not see myself as obese and ugly. These are certainly areas I need to face and heal from. Spiritually I am strong in my beliefs and continue to grow as I attend church and fellowship with other believer. My devotions are my time of “meditation” and through God I will find my healing in the other areas of my life.

 Goal Development: Physically I want to find a better balance of diet and weight. I would like to live a lifestyle where my diet is consistent and my weight is as well. I do not feel that it is healthy for someone to yo-yo as much as I do when competing and my body is starting to become unhealthy due to my diet as well. Physiologically I would like to become more comfortable in my body in any state of health. Meaning I want my self-esteem to value how much I am worth. I want to always feel that I am worth being healthy, happy, and loved. Spiritually I hope to grow more Christ like and live in a manor pleasing to God and to fulfill His divine purpose in my life. 

Practices for personal health: Physically I intend on adjusting my diet to meet my current exercise regiments. Exercise is one area I currently do on a very regular basis. I train for 2 hours 5-6 days a week. I intend on changing this around some and see how I do. I believe part of my inner struggle is I am addicted in a way to cardio and feel that if I miss a day in the gym I will gain weight. I need to change this way of thinking and in order to do this I nee to incorporate a change in life. Another physical exercise I intend on incorporating into my life is yoga. I began to take yoga in order to achieve a better balance in my workouts. I tend to focus only on cardio and heavy lifting. But physical health extends beyond just those exercises. So as I change my diet to find a better balance I also will be changing my workout routines.

Psychologically I am still am uncertain how I intend on growing. I hope by making changes in my diet and workouts I can learn to stop focusing on the constant battle to cardio myself into the ground. I intend on seeking out a more healthy approach to looking a foods and how they can balance and affect our body. I struggle mentally with this concept so for me viewing fats and carbohydrates as a necessary item is difficult. I am great to require my own client to incorporate these foods into their diet yet I struggle to take my own advice. Also I am going to incorporate 5-10 minutes every day to have quiet time alone with just myself and the Word of God. Weather I go to the beach or stay home I want to find time where I do not feel rush or pressured to achieve some sort of task in order to meditate.

Spiritually will be along the same lines as physiologically because for me they are one and the same. AS I continue to grow in my walk with the Lord I continue to grow mentally as well. Through Christ I am forgiven and my sorrows and worries are taken away. Spiritually I can be healed mentally so to speak. AS I struggle with my mental grasp on my weight and body I grow stronger in my faith that God will provide answers and a path for me to follow. I guess in a way although I struggle not to stress about my self-image I know in the back of my mind I will balance out and things will be okay because I have given it over to God.

Commitment: In six months from now my biggest way to assess my progress will be to see how my health and weight are doing. In six months I hope that my physical sickness that have developed due to lack of proper nutrients in a diet will be settled and that I will be able to maintain a healthy weight that I am comfortable at. I also will be able to assess my progress for my spiritual well being by acknowledging where I was and where I will be. My short term goals are also my long term goals. To physically be healthier and maintain a healthier diet and exercise routine, psychologically I will have abetter grasp on my self image at the weight I hope to maintain and have my binge eating and eating in general under control. Spiritually I will always be growing in my faith no matter what, when, or where.

Unit 8 Mindfulness Practices

Well I can say the most beneficial practices for me have to be vision practice and subtle mind. Although I do not follow the actual meditation itself very well I did take away a part of the meaning of the practice. For example obtaining a subtle mind helped me to calm my mind, mostly at night, and with this I have been able to separate and truly look at what my issue where and prioritize which need to be worked on first. Before this practice I always felt that it was a cluster mess in my head and I could not get a grip on reality. One specific example is my husband and I are trying to make a decision weather we want to move north or stay in Florida. It seems like the idea is such a cluster of thoughts, concerns, ideas, worries, where to start looking, how to go about moving, and so on. By practicing subtle mind I have been able to address all of my thoughts and concerns in a more organized manor. Next example is how I incorporate the vision into my life. I am a figure competitor so for me vision is everything. I focus on my vision of how I want to look on stage before the judges and while I am training, dieting, or preparing I stay focused on this vision. At times during the training process my emotions run high, I can become so fatigued I want to give up and quit, and I may question why I am doing this to myself. By having my vision n the back of my mind I can will myself to keep going and remind myself that I can do this. So out of all the exercises we have done these are the two that may stick with me in this way after the semester.

Unit 7 question 2

The saying " one cannot lead another where one has not gone him or herself" is just an awesome saying!! We actually discussed this in my church a few weeks ago. Even thought the message was "why does God allow bad things to happen" it almost goes hand in hand. For myself, had I not experienced obesity, poor self esteem, bad relationships, and many other nightmares in my life I would not have the strength, courage, compassion, passion, and empathy towards those who's paths I believe I come across in order to influence their life in some way. I choose to change my life, I choose to change the types of people I allowed myself to become involved with. SOme life experiences where so horrible I wouldn't wish them upon anyone. Yet I know several people who have gone though similar things. SO when I am talking to a client who may be obese, and have terrible self esteem and allow people to take advantage of her insecurities I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel and mean it. WIth these types of experiences I can help guide her though mental and emotional changes as well as physical. When undergoing extreme weight loss I remember experiencing so many mental and emotional struggles pilled on top of the physical. I would allow myself to be used and abused by people, I would hide from my parents and family to try and hide what was happening in my life. Finally a life and death situation came across my path and I am blessed to have the family I do and my parents where there without question. Having the support and encouragement in all areas made the world of difference in my success. I pray I can provide the same support to my clients who may not have a lot of encouragement and support. Having gone through similar challenges gives me the grace, wisdom, and apathy needed while training clients. THere are times when they need a more stern and hard push and other times I know they are in a delicate state of mind and need love and compassion. I use this daily and pray as I continue to grow and experience life that God teaches me life lesson and directs me on the path He has set out for me to follow. I choose to not be a victim in the bad circumstance in life, I choose to be the student and learn and grow both in wisdom and strength. With all the situations that come from life we can learn and help others who go through similar situations realize there is hope and light. I use my spirituality, life experience, and knowledge to bring hope and encouragement as much as possible. I am by far perfect, but I strive to be better every day. Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Once I stopped trying to turn away from God's plans and try to live according to His plans I can help lead others through paths I have already traveled.

Unit 7 Question 1: Meditative practice

Well for anyone who has read my post knows where i stand in my faith and beliefs. SO no big surprise, I REFUSE to take part of this meditation. One big commandment for any Christian; Exodus 20:3 " You shall have no other gods before me." So no offense false god Aesclepius, I will NOT be meditating on your healing powers or energy. However those who read my post know I use Jesus and my one true God instead. At first I tried to envision my actual father seeing I look up to him and try to incorporate all his teachings. My father first and foremost is a wise and Godly man who raised my sisters and I in a GOdly home. He was the spiritual leader of my home. Not only is he one of the most Godly men I know, he also is a man if integrity, honesty, love, wisdom, a loving husband and father, a man who cherishes life, and who helps anyone in need. He shows compassion and mercy, grace and forgiveness. He is strong and influential, he corrects the wrongs and guides us in loving manor. Even though I will not perform the meditation because I will not put another god before my one true God. I can reflect on God healing powers and his blessing of allowing me to have a father that raised me to be the strong and outspoken woman I am today. I do not need to envision my father with lights coming from his head, throat, stomach and butt to appreciate him and his teachings. My father followed God's word and instructions for raising children. Ephesians 6:4 " Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." I may have exasperated him more then anything, and though we all are human my father followed God's direction. He and my mother are my heros and mentors.  I do not need to envision God surrounded in light because to me GOd is the light in the darkness. Instead I chose to meditate and be still in my prayers with God. Psalm 46:10 tells us " Be still and know that I am GOd." I do think it is important to take time to reflect in God's word. God is the true healer in my opinion. Exodus 23:25 " Worship the Lord your God, and His blessings will be upon your food and water. He will take away sickness from among you...". So this is what I focused on and prayed upon instead of meditating to a false god. Psalms 147:3 " He heals the broken hearted and binds their wounds." Without the guidance and wisdom instaled by both my parents, and if I was not truly my fathers daughter I would not have been able to fight for what I believe. I was raised in God's word and I fought against His word for a long time. Now I know where I stand, and with my God, my husband, and my family, I do not stand alone, and I will honor my father and mother and GOd. God is my hero, my salvation, my savior and my healer. Through him only can we truly be healed.

Unit 6 Whammi! :)

Okay so here is the deal. I am not doing the Loving kindness meditation according to our text. First I will explain why. Ever since I began this course I have become, anxious, agitated, stressed to the point of becoming ill, depressed and over all unhappy. I was nothing like this before this course began. The last time I did the loving kindness audio I was irritated for over a week with it. So I am going to tweak every meditation I am forced to do for this course from now on. I realized today what a part of my problem was, I feel like I am cheating on my beliefs and God. And honestly that is not okay for me. The premise of the loving kindness is to reflect love towards the world. Well I can do that through my faith and belief. So instead of being quiet and chanting some ridiculous saying that doesn't work for me I am going to speak my mind.

Loving kindness reflection for myself, today I was reflecting on God's word to us. He states in Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJ). "..I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with a loving kindness." God also tell us to "love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you."- Matthew 5:44 (NKJ). SO instead of me trying to breathe in all the worlds problems I reflected on God's word and let go of any anger, hurt, sadness and all the negative feelings and handed them to God. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and Love your neighbor as yourself." - Luke 10:27 (NKJ). See I don't feel as though I need to practice modern day meditation in order to become connected with God. I do not need to take in all the worlds burden onto myself. That is not my job, my job is to love and show kindness, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and share my beliefs and stand firm in them.

As for my integral assessment. After reflecting today on everything I definitely had to assess many areas about myself and some of them are not easy for me to have to come to realize. Unfortunately some are personal and no offense are not going to be shared. But some of them are my attitude toward thing. any time I am to sensitive and assume I am being attacked. I believe this steams from insecurities that are left over from my obesity and how I was treated. I obviously have some wounds I have not allowed to heal and only did a temporary fix on. I need to really focus on this area on my life. It make a difference in how i see myself as well as how I portray myself to others. Others areas I need to continue to grow in is my relationship with my husband and where we are going with our future as fare as work, home and children. My career is in a path of change which frightens me a little and I need to assess why and what I want to do with my life. Taking time to truly assess so many areas in my life is going to be a constant challenge because of the ever changing situations. The one are I am not affairs of and excited to grow is in my faith. I am excited to see what God has in store for myself and my family.

Subtle mind practice

Well I can say that I had a much more positive experience with this technique then with the love and kindness audio. I found this one to be very refreshing and relaxing. I will definitely be doing this in the evenings before I am settling into bed. This is the time where I find I can not get my mind to shut down. During the audio I was not surprised how many time my mind began to wander off onto other things. Yet focusing on my breathing truly helped wrangle those thoughts back into order and to release them and just be aware they were there yet not engage in thinking about them . This happened several times, but I was happy to notice I was able to separate from being aware of the thoughts instead off engaging them. I also intend on using this technique while I study me daily devotions and spend time in prayer. I have done the breathing and focus routine while training at my gym and it is a natural habit for me to be able to shut everything and everyone around me out. So I will be excited and willing to try this in different scenarios.

Love and kindness exercise continued

Okay well I tried it again and still just not a good thing for me. I did however realize what was bothering me so much. I again have been talking to my one sister who is one of the most Godly women aside from my mother I am honored to know. She helped me pin point what it was upsetting me about this audi specifically. It isn't the breathing out love and kindness or eve the meditative state we are asked to be in. It was the feeling of taking on all the worlds stress, burdons, and sin. Asking us to breathe in the hurt, pain, anger, suffering, and so many negative emotions that bothered me. I believe in a God who gave the ultimate sacrifice, His only SOn Christ, to die for all of our sins and suffering, to give us hope, peace and love. i do not want to take in this burden into myself. I should not have to GOd has already provided a way and path for me. All I need to do is meditate on breathing out that love and spreading the word of GOd by my actions and speech. So I realized it was not the audio necessarily that was angering me, it was that I do not want to take in any of those negative things because God's word tell us to give it all to Him and that Christ sacrificed his life to cleanse us of all of those feeling and actions. I would rather meditate on the promise of that and handing over those stressors then try to breathe them in and out. I just need to see it differently and open myself up to what I could learn about this type of exercise. Thanks for reading my rant. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety on Him..." . So this is what I took from this exercise in the end. I meditated and cast all of my fears, troubles, anxieties, anger, and any negative emotions and feelings and put them in God's hands so I can breathe peace and love and God's will.

Unit 4 mental workouts

You know I have spent the last few days talking with my sister about this course and the difficulties I am having with it. I am very stuck in my ways and in my beliefs. But I was not always this way. I studied many different religions from Buddhism, taoism, harrikrishna, wiccan practices, and so on. I was raised in a Godly home too, which was surprising to many when I began my own journey on what I believed. SO after many years on what I now know as the wrong path I found what I was missing. My personal relationship with Christ. How does this pertain to mental exercise? Well for the most part from what I understand mental exercise is how we train and program our thoughts and mind. I had to teach myself how to pray and study GOD's word. I didn't just miraculously change over night. I have been fighting this meditation and grounding stuff in this course when I should be looking at it in a more loving and open way. I already meditate on God's word, I already breathe out love when I speak in a fashion honoring to Him, I already am grounded to this earth because of my undying devotion to God. I just had not mag=de the connection to how it is relative to this course till now. I have to train my mind to recognize the similarities,and how to slow down and meditate in His word. I still do not like the audio, but I can still simulate what is being asked of us through the audio into what I know God would want me to be focusing and meditating on. Just because it do not feel like I am the holistic type of person does not mean I can not be open to try new ways to allow God to speak to me. I listen to GOD not the earth. This is just my eye opener for the day and how mental exercise can be incorporated in any area of life and practice and made to fit any belief system. Psalm 49:3 "....And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding." SO my mental exercise is to learn and train my mind how to meditate in GOd's word, open up my mind to learn different techniques that can hopefully help my stressors, and thought process. THank for reading! :)

Love and kindness

Okay classmates I apologize in advanced for this blog because it is in no way positive. THis assignment not only frustrated me but actually made me angry. I can say it in no way helped me develop a sense of love or kindness. I started out visualizing my husband whom I adore. But then I remember the struggles we endure and remember that it was my prayers and devotions and faith that healed us. I honestly am having a hard time with this class in general. Then expanding to those who are hurting and enemies and so on. Meditating like this does not make me feel centered or focused on breathing out sickness, animosity or anything. My prayer and devotion does. I will never tell someone not to try new things so for clients I will suggest they try meditation or different forms of meditation whether it is through this type of exercise or prayer or walking along the beach. However these adios are not helping me relax at all they only are adding more stress. Again I apologize to those who read this, but this is how I feel towards the exercise. To each there own, but this is not for me.

Unit 3 Reflections

My physical well being i would rate to be at a 8 or 9, I am in the best shape of my life right now and will only aim to improve. My health is great and I have no major issues thankfully. I keep track of my diet and eat clean foods, avoiding any processed, sugary, or junk. Spiritually I rate myself at 6 or 7, I am still growing in my faith as a christian. However I am unyielding in my beliefs, no matter what. Yes I am the type of person who would still profess my faith in the face of death. If you don't like it then that is your problem. Psychologically i rate myself at 6 or 7. I am confident in who I am and in myself. I have typical stress factors and sadly enough one of the biggest ones is school. But after October I graduate and it will no longer be an issue !!! YAY! My goal for physical growth would be to continue my training fro the shows I compete in and improve the areas I want to. I also would like to start a family in a year or so and want to be as physically fit in body and health as possible. Spiritually I plan to walk the path God has chosen for me and pray to live a life that is pleasing to Christ. Psychological growth I hope to be able to focus more on the positives in life and not stress about things I can not control. Staying on top of my training, diet and medical are the areas I can uses to improve my physical health. Spiritually I can grow in my faith with my church, family and devotions to God. Psychological growth I plan on taking more time to quiet my mind and mediate on God's word. Also find different areas and ways to eliminate stress in my life.

Unit 3 exercise "Crime of the Century"

Okay first I have no idea why this meditation exercise was titled "Crime of the century" but that may be one of those mysteries. I wish I could say I was able to imagine the colors and myself as a prism. However I couldn't, I lost concentration after my stomach region. I just don't have that type of mental state to be able to think this way. I was very relaxed by the end of it, again was not able to concentrate on the colors. Idid however think about how blessed my life is and how loved, centered, balance, cherished and thankful to have God in my life. Maybe that is more what my issue is, I do not believe that the universe is in control. I believe and know that God is in control. So meditation holds a different meaning for me. I am in no way going to become centered with the universe. I will not put any god before my God. Sorry. Meditation for me is either relaxing and just shutting out the noise so I can focus on God and His word or when I do my daily devotions.

Introduction into my life

Where to begin is always the first thought when I am asked about my life's journey. So I start in the beginning. I am born and raised in Jupiter, Florida, I live close by to my parents and sisters and their families. My biggest shock to people is that I used to weigh 345 pounds when I was 21. Yes, I was heavy all of my life, no i didn't have heavy parents and neither of my sisters were heavy growing up. I was a typical chunky child which every one assumed I would grow into a more slender frame as I aged. I am the youngest of three girls, my eldest sister was petite frame and thin. She is 5'3" and weighs maybe 115 at most. My middle sister used to be a model, she was my idol as I grew up. I always wanted to be like her. She was 5'7", blonde hair blue eyes and weighed about 125-130. We all actually had blonde hair blue eyes in my family, yet they seemed to have all the beauty. I always associated myself with the story of the ugly duckling when I was a child. I was chubby, uncoordinated, frizzy curly hair I would keep brushing in hope's to smooth it out, and I had those big plastic glasses. I was a mess, even at a young age in private schools I was bullied and picked on ruthlessly. Developing a poor self esteem and eating disorders. I remember the first time I snuck cookies and chips from the kitchen into my room and locked the door so no one would catch me eating it. We were never allowed the junk food until the weekends and my mother always tried to teach us portion control. Yet I didn't care, I was called miss piggy, ugly, no one liked me, so who cared I enjoyed the junk food and it made me happy. I was about 11 the first time I snuck food into my room and binged. I would blame my dogs for eating it all or make up a lie about how much was really left. By the time I was in 8th grade I remember wanting to die rather then continue going to school because of how obese I was and how cruel the other kids were. My mother and father gave me every opportunity and help that was available to try and get my weight under control I did everything from hypnotherapy to weight watchers to attending fat camp for 3 months over the summer. Even at the fat camp I was targeted for bullying and had my first attempt at suicide. I did however lose 40 pounds and was able to wear a size 8 going into 9th grade. I became more athletic and maintained this size and weight most of high school. it wasn't until college that my life began to spiral out of control and my weight became morbidly obese. I became insecure and developed a poor sense of self worth. I dated abusive men and became involved in a very dangerous, abusive and controlling relationship. This is about the time I gained all of my weight, I was about 17-18 years old. My family became afraid for my life, my health, and my well being. My parents begged and pleaded for me to open up to them and let them help me but I was afraid for them and did not care about my own life. I subjected myself to daily abuse and control. I was not allowed out of the house belonging to the man I was involved with except to return home. ANything I ate was given to me by him, and mostly consisted of junk food. At home I would eat my sorrows and stress away. I flunked out of college after 2 years simply because I just stopped going to classes. Finally at the age of 21 and having gone from one abusive relationship right into another I had a wake up call. I just finished a physical and the doctor looked me dead in the eye and told me if I continue on the path I was taking I would more then likely be dead by the age of 31. My whole family tried over and over to help, but I had to decide to help myself first and I didn't want to. It wasn't until a few months later my middle sister was married and I looked at the pictures did I realize how obese I actually was. In my eyes I did not see myself as a 345 pound girl. I remember the day after her wedding and watching her drive away that I wanted to one day have a wedding with someone who loved me the way my brother-in-law loved her. SO that afternoon I went to my boyfriends house to try and tell him about what was going on in my head and in my life. Thinking he may care enough about me to want to support me in changing my life. Instead I receive abuse, threats, and a gun pointed at my head. I have a scar under my eye that is barely visible from that gun being slammed into my face. THat night when I went home, I had to make up a cover story of what happened to my eye. The next morning I walked into the bathroom an looked at myself and just cried. My whole life was a mess, but at that moment I decide I was worth more and I was worth achieving everything I could dream off. SO I set my mind to it and would not let anything stop me. It was around this time I met my closet friend who offered to train me and help me begin my journey to lose over 200 pounds. Eleven years later she and I compete and work together. I have become a fitness trainer and compete in the figure category of bodybuilding shows known as the NPC. I have been a model for magazines and runways shows. I have achieved things I never would have imagined possible. Most importantly I allowed God into my life and gave Him control to guide me along the path He has chosen for me. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who is my rock and greatest supporter in everything I do. I look forward to continuing my journey to be able to help others overcome the impossibilities in life. One of my favorite quotes I saw somewhere is "with dedication and determination success will follow." For my life this statement could not be more true.

My journey on relaxation

Well for myself relaxation is few and far between. I am always thinking and moving. So for the first few minutes I had to get past the annoyance I felt having to stop and actually relax to experience this journey. To many other thoughts crossed my mind the first few minutes. Thoughts such as "really, I have to sit here for 15 minutes when I have so much homework I need to get done and barely enough time to do it" my next thought was " I need to be doing so many other important things". Finally I just gave in to the assignment about five minutes into the auto program. Once I laid down and thought about what was being asked I began to feel the tension and blood flow redirect to where I was thinking about. It almost seemed as though I could fall asleep while my arms felt like they were pinned down beside me. My arms felt heavy and weighted and relaxed, my heart was steady and strong. I did not experience the warmth however. It opened my mind to allowing my thoughts time to slow down and realize the affect I can actually have. That this is not actually a waste of time, but can be beneficial in times of stress. Relax, breathe, ask my body to do what I need it to. I am surprised that it was so easy for me to relax once I gave into the meditation. Once I asked the blood to redirect to my core center I imagined a wave like image flowing gracefully through out my veins and re-centered my blood flow back to wear it came from and dispensing throughout my body. It was a interesting and intriguing experience. Maybe this meditation and relaxing technique will be a beneficial interruption to my daily hectic routines.